Asking the Ninjas
by Pen Stamp
Summary: not in script form  It's the TV show where the naruto characters answer question! presented by Kaida and Shaed Knightwing! Found out all the things you wanted to know about your favourite naruto characters!
1. Pilot Episode

**This is a pilot episode and I'll probably use the jokes in this again in other episodes so you don't really have to read this since it was mre of a test  
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**These questions and names are made up don't flame at the answers ok if you don't like it deal with it and Kaida is the presenter also the first chapter will be pretty crap since I didn't want to take all the good funny questions.**

"Hello and welcome to the first episode of asking the ninjas!" Kaida cried "All of our beloved Naruto characters are here in the peanut gallery!" some of the cast gave a small wave at the camera but they didn't look at all like they wanted to be there. "All of our villains have agreed to stick to verbal abuse so we won't be seeing any bloodshed tonight folks!" there were loud groans from the audience and half of them left. Kaida gave the retreating audience an irritated look. "Now our first question is for my good friend Sakura!"

"I don't want to be here and I'm not your friend I don't even know you!" Sakura screamed.

"Do you want these pictures of Sasuke or not bitch?" Kaida asked.

"BESTIES!" she cried in reply.

_Hey Sakura I love your hair where do you get the dye for it?  
>lovescherryblossoms202<em>

"Well I buy it at- WAIT, I MEAN my hair colour is completely natural!" scowled Sakura.

"She dyed it to draw attention away from her big forehead!" came a cry from the back.

While Sakura ran down the back to beat Ino to a pulp Kaida moved on to the next question.

"This question is for Itachi!"

_Dear Itachi pleeeeaaase make up with Sasuke and also will you marry me?  
>Uchiha4eva<em>

"What kind of question is that? Here, let me see it?" Itachi grabbed the card from Kaida's hand, "There are actually people like that? Listen here, I am an emotionally void antagonist who hates everything ESPECIALY MY BROTHER and let me make something very clear... I will not marry you, my brother, the blond haired freak, the pink haired slut, Kisame or any other Akatsuki member-"

_15 Hours Later_

"-Your OC, the Easter Bunny, Furbees and most of all, Beanie Babies!"

Kaida dropped back into her seat. "Ok you can sit back down now. And our next question is for..." Kaida glanced at the next piece of paper. "The main character, Naruto!"

"Yahoo! Uzumaki Naruto is here! Believe it!" Naruto yelled, making a big scene. "I can't wait for my question from my fan girls!"

"Naruto," Kaida interrupted, "You don't have fan girls." she pulled out a chart board from nowhere and put on a pair of glasses to make herself look smarter. She picked up a pointer and pulled down a pie chart. "This pie chart is made up of the Naruto girl fanbase, 1% of them don't love anyone, 1% more refuse to admit they do, Gaara holds 40% of this fanbase as does Sasuke." She explained. "10% belongs to Neji and the remaining 9% belong to all the other boys in Naruto except for you."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! So... so... so Sai even has more fangirls than me? Don't I have any?" Wailed Naruto.

"Well," Kaida pushed the specs back up her nose, trying to look even more intelligent (and failing). "There was a small percentage but it was so small we didn't count it."

"What? What is it? Tell me what it is!"

"Are you sure you want to hear it?"

"YES!"

"You're not going to like it."

"Tell me what it is!"

Kaida cleared her throat "It's 0. (x1000) 000000000000001." She looked over to see everyone snoring, veins bulged on her forehead. She calmly picked up the mic and walked over to the speakers and put the mic up against it. A loud screech wailed through the room. "Wakey, wakey everyone! On to Naruto's question!"

_Hey Naruto, why don't you just admit that Kiba is awesome? I mean, just check out that face paint, it makes him look so cool. And when he rides on Akamaru wearing sunglasses he looks so bad ass, so just say it. Kiba rocks.  
>From - Totally Not Kiba<em>

"EEEEEEEEEEEEH! Kiba this is from you!" cried Naruto.

"No it's not! See? It says 'totally _not _Kiba'!" Kiba grinned.

"He's right, Naruto."

"Agreed!"

Everyone began laughing behind his back.

"Now you have to say it." Kaida teased in a sing-songy voice.

"HELL NO!" Naruto went Kyuubi and began tearing up the studio as Yammato tried to suppress him.

"Bwaaah! That's it for tonight folks! Send in more of your questions and tune in again! Bwaaaaaah! Naruto put that down! NICE DEMON!" cried Kaida before the transmission was cut.

**OK I know for a first chapter it sucked but please R&R it will get funnier **

**I Have posted an announcment about this fic at the top on my profile please read it :D**

**PLEASE PLEASE continue reading**


	2. Episode 1

"Hello!" cried Kaida "And welcome to the second episode of asking the Ninjas! With your hosts Kaida-"

"And Shaed Knightwing!" Called Shaed, "And here is our Peanut Gallery!" The camera panned towards the poor Naruto characters on their benches. Choji was stuffing his face and Orochimaru was eyeing the younger children in the audience with a particularly 'Pedobear-ish' look in his eyes. The two (super awesome) hosts gave him a warning look.

"Okay, let's start. Shaed, would you like to ask the first question?" asked Kaida.

"No problemo, my awesome associate!" Shaed replied.

_To Kakuzu-  
>Hey I need to earn $50 in 5 days, what can I do? I'm only 12 so I can't do much work. I've earned a little bit from cleaning the lockers out at school but it's not enough, so what can I do?<br>From - Bankrupt_

Kakuzu looked as though he was about to answer before he was rudely interrupted.

"Why I'd be happy to pay him $50 for 5 days..." Hissed Orochimaru.

He was automatically pelted with 'anti-rape peanuts'(TM) before taking refuge under his chair.

Shaed cleared her throat. "Kakuzu? You may continue."

"Well, the Akatsuki is always looking for more members and we get quite a large salary. You even get discounts at funeral homes and a free coffin-"

Kaida chose this moment to cough very loudly. "That's quite interesting, Kakuzu. But I think it's time for the next question. And our next question is for... Sakura!" Kaida pointed to the benches where a sulky Sakura sat.

"I'm not going, last time you got me insulted and got me in heaps of trouble and those photos were amateur shots." The pink-haired ninja complained.

"Hmm fine, then I won't give you _these._" Kaida held up more photos of Sasuke, but this time there was more skin than clothing... Sakura zoomed down to the stage.

Shaed gave Kaida a 'look', "Where _do_ you get those pictures from?"

"Let's just say I have my sources and leave it at that." Kaida smiled slyly as a message popped up on the bottom of the viewer's screens. '_Through theft and bribery she has obtained Orochimaru's secret stash.'_

_Sakura,  
>Why do you hit Naruto when he does or says something you don't like? Didn't your mother teach you to keep your hands to yourself?<br>From - Kisa_

"It's simple, some people just don't learn." Sakura replied, "And also, it might bash some of the ugly out of him and make room for brains, humph, that is all." she snatched the photos and strode off with her nose in the air.

"And on to the next question!" Kaida announced.

"GASP! That means... Oh yay! This is my favourite! Can I ask it? Can I ask it? Can I? Can I?" Shaed squealed.

"Fine do you promise to take it seriously?" asked Kaida.

"Yes."

"And no going fan girl?"

"I can't make any promises."

Kaida sighed. "Fine..." She handed Shaed the question, hoping to God that she didn't just make a big mistake.

"And our next question is for... Gaara!" Squealed Shaed, she wasn't alone. Most the girls in the audience started squealing and security guards had to hold them back as Shaed glared at every one of them.

_Gaara,  
>What is your favourite flavour of cookie?<br>From - CookieEater_

Gaara glared just as forcefully as Shaed as the fangirls were escorted off the premises, he then gave a sigh before scratching his chin in thought.

"Chocolate chip." Was his curt reply.

Shaed had to pull out a bazooka to defend him from the rabid fans who all, apparently, liked the same flavour.

"Jeeze, they probably only started liking chocolate chips two seconds ago." Kaida commented.

Shaed shrugged as she blasted a couple more rabid fans. "It's always been my favourite."

Kaida looked at her strangely. "I thought plain chocolate was your favourite-"

"I... Said... Chocolate... Chip."

Kaida backed away slowly, as Shaed lowered the bazooka. Gaara merely raised a non-existent eyebrow at the whole ordeal.

"Okay, Kaida? Who's our next victim- I mean... who's our next question for?" Shaed asked.

Kaida stifled a giggle, "It's for Uchiha Sasuke." There was a roar of fan girl screams from the audience.

"Oh really?" Asked Shaed, also trying not to laugh.

"I'M NOT COMEING OUT!" Screamed Sasuke off stage.

"Aw, come on why not?" Called Shaed.

"Yeah, all the fangirls are dying to see you!" Kaida called to him, knowing full well that she wasn't helping matters one iota.

Two security guards came onto the stage, pulling something white and fluffy behind them. It was Sasuke. In a bunny costume. Both Shaed and Kaida dropped to the floor in hysterics, laughing while hearts appeared in the eyes of Sakura, Ino and the rest of the fangirls, along with cries of- "He's sooo cute!" and "Where's my camera?"

Naruto was snickering "Haha! Teme! What made you dress like that?" he nearly fell off his seat.

"Shut up! I was just getting a drink of water when someone smacked me over the back of the head and I woke up in this bunny suit!" scowled Sasuke.

"No prizes guessing who the main culprits are." Sighed Shikamaru, who'd been woken up from his nap by all the yelling. Two arrows appeared on the screen, pointing to Kaida and Shaed with the label '_Main culprits'._

"But I have to wonder..." Choji spoke-up, "How did they change him into the bunny costume?"

Shaed and Kaida put their arms around each other's shoulders and scowled.

"Don't be stupid, we're not perverts!" Kaida insisted while Shaed looked around shiftily.

"Yeah... hehe, and if we were we wouldn't choose _Sasuke_." Shaed continued in disgust.

"Instead," They said together, "We had one of our elite agents do it!" On the television screen, an arrow appeared over Orochimaru's head labelled 'Expert at undressing unconscious Uchihas'.

Neji nodded, "Well now we know how he got Sasuke into those poses without him complaining."

"Anyhow," Began Kaida, "Onto our question for Sasuke."

_Sasuke,  
>He's gone from good to bad, doesn't he think he should change his hairstyle to fit his new bad boy image? The avian posterior hairstyle does not invoke terror. How about shaving it? Lots of bad guys shave their heads, look at Lex Luthor.<br>From - Kisa_

"Same guy again, man he asks a lot of questions." Shaed pointed out.

"Lex who?" Asked Sasuke.

"He's an idiot! You know Lex Luthor... arch enemy of superman?" explained Kaida. Sasuke had a blank face. "DC comics? ...You don't know what DC comics is?"

"My computer doesn't know what it is either." Shaed commented. "It's been green squiggly lined."

"I had a hard childhood okay!" Screamed Sasuke. "Besides, why the heck would I shave my hair? I wouldn't be half as good in fights if I couldn't dazzle the enemy with my shmexiness!"

_Examples of a Sasuke fight if it were in Pokémon._

"_You're going to die!" _**Randome-Shaved-Head-Villain**_ uses _**Frightening Battle Cry**_... it wasn't very effective._

"_Oh really?" _**Bunny Sasuke**_ uses _**Ultra Shmexi Attack**_... it is very effective._

"_By the Gods! That's exactly what I want to look like!"_

_(Shameless 'Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series' plug is shameless)_

**Randome-Shaved-Head-Villain**_ is stunned "I will become good so that I may grow my hair and look as shmexi as..._

"Okay Kaida, that's enough! Quite now, before you wind one of your sick Sai fantasies in there!" Shaed said as she put her hand over Kaida's mouth.

"By the way guys, do you have somewhere I can change? After all, it is your fault that I'm in this mess." Bunny Sasuke complained in a Sasuke manner.

"Sure we do!" Smiled Shaed and she pulled out a huge over sized top hat as Kaida dangled some carrots in front of him, Sasuke gave them a blank, irritated look.

"You're enjoying this aren't you?"

The two (Awesome) hosts nodded evilly.

"Anyway," announced Shaed as Sasuke was left with no alternative but to get inside the hat, "Our next question is for everyone's favourite Pedo and Voldemort look alike; Orochimaru!"

"I'm not a Pedo! And who is Voldemort?" asked a very confused Orochimaru.

"I'll explain-" Began Kaida.

"And ruin the fun? No way." Shaed put her hand over Kaida's mouth again before reading the question card.

_Orochimaru,  
>Are you the reincarnation of Michael Jackson?<br>From - MJfan_

"For the last time-" growled Orochimaru "I'M NOT MICHAEL JACKSON!" And once again, the studio was torn to pieces.

"Thanks for watching everyone!" Grinned Shaed.

"Mmmph muffle mmmph mph." Said Kaida trying to talk from under Shaed's hand. "Be sure to tune in next time!"

**Credits:** "Let's roll!"

**Hosts:  
>Kaida Mizu and Shaed Knightwing<strong>

**Special thanks to:  
>Cha's Aegis<br>Shaed Knightwing**

**(Please read the announcement at the top of my profile for details on this fanfic)**

**Naruto is owned by Masashi Kishimoto**


End file.
